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Imaginary fiends
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| I haven't had any thoughts about being better off dead for like a whole week. This is the kind of good news you can only really post on Dead Journal. | ||||||
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| I mean, seriously, are there depressed people who are able to phone their GP on the dot of 8am? And then say to the receptionist "I am an emergency because I might commit suicide before your two weeks are up? Except that I probably won't, so maybe I'm not an emergency, I dunno, you tell me." Cos I'm not. | ||||||
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| Objective? Hell I can't even write it down without tears | ||||||
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| Suspect I have not made it clear enough how shitty it is, but honestly, how often can you say "Heeeelp meee, I want to Diiie" without sounding like a twat. Or possibly I have been too clear, and people just don't have the spoons to help anymore. That would be reasonable. | ||||||
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| People are weird. How on earth am I supposed to answer that? Or that? And I especially am weird, I guess... | ||||
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| I am feeling very rubbish at the moment and hence am in the house instead of say, out visiting an island watching birds. I made it as far as the yarn shop today and got some nice fuschia 50% merino for one of the Big Girls Knits I fancy. Then I came back cos that was all I could cope with and now I feel like a big fat failure. Also am trying to not read the bicon community atm cos the shiny happy people are making my spork hand itch. I have to do it, I guess, I have to drag myself up from the bottom AGAIN. But I no longer remember why. I will hold out till Fluffy is gone and I have have my flat back and then pay for some cleaning and then see - maybe a reason will reappear at that point. | ||||||
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| Who am I kidding? And if I can kid myself, does it count as true? | ||||
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| I seem to be at the bottom again. That didn't take long. It's like I used all my happiness spoons up, which would such mightily if true. I find myself staying in bed because there is nothing to get up for, until I get backache and can't keep it up anymore. I'm not surprised Jon has no patience with it - I have no patience with myself. | ||||
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| Sometimes I hate myself so much that I hate other people for being able to see me | ||||||
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| Cleaning my rocks on a hayfever day is like saving an antihistamine... | ||||||
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| Must not ask about alternatives to Ents, even though I want to know the answer, cos I know how those threads turn out. Damn. | ||||||
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| No, I do NOT want to 'borrow' 'your' man to 'mess round with the operating system and drivers' ! I don't even know where to start with the problems I have with that one... | ||||
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| Sometimes I wish everything I owned would be destroyed in a fire so I could start over. | ||||
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| I am sitting here close to tears and suppressing the urge not to STAB PEOPLE IN THE HEAD WITH SPORK cos I was stupid enough to comment in a futile flamewar. If people say ignorant vile things I don't want it to go unchallenged, but where does that turn into 'someone in the internet is wrong'? Stab them in the head with sporks. Bastards. | ||||
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| I feel slightly creeped out by the efforts my counselling place went to to stop me leaving - it feels vaguely cultish ETA and then a letter arrives from my ex-counsellor, mentioning aspects of what we've discussed. OK *now* I'm creeped out. | ||||||
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| I definitely need to stop feeling rubbish right now - too many thinks have gone wrong today - Bah! | ||||
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| O hai Inappropriate Beltane Crush - is it that time of year again already? | ||||
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| Phoned in sick. Not proud. But definitely relieved. | ||||||
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| I hate having to rely for support on people who are in at least some respects worse off than me. But I do kinda need support. And people who are much better off than me are not particularly supportive... People mock the concept of the blind leading the blind, but do they offer to help? Not so much. (Also a blind person who knows the territory would make an excellent guide for another blind person, so yah boo sucks to that simile) | ||||||||||
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| Since deciding to cut down on stressors I have backed away from one thing, and finished doing another. AND I HAVEN"T TAKEN ON ANY MORE THINGS. Let's keep that up, shall we? | ||||
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Imaginary fiends
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![[mood icon]](http://piktures.deadjournal.com/mood/fire4ice/eyes/sleepy.gif){kind=small}
drained